You walked past me in the end
unheeding of what was left behind.
My friends,
those were not petals in heaps
but my heart's withered pieces.
[原创]《静夜思》的翻译啊
今天集中地看到了几个"静夜思"的英文版本,我有点想法.(不愿意看的可以直接看最底下我自己翻译的)
静夜思
李白
床前明月光,疑是地上霜。
举头望明月,低头思故乡。
先看徐忠杰和许渊冲的:
1).In the Still of the Night
I descry bright moonlight in front of my bed.
I suspect it to be hoary frost on the floor.
I watch the bright moon, as I tilt back my head.
I yearn, while stooping, for my homeland more.
(徐忠杰)
2).A Tranquil Night
Abed, I see a silver light,
I wonder if it's frost aground.
Looking up, I find the moon bright;
Bowing, in homesickness I'm drowned.
(许渊冲译)
其他先不说,每句必有一个I( 徐忠杰有一行有两个!)显得很拙笨,机械,原诗的飘逸灵动全失.尤其是徐忠杰的,这又不是作数学题,你那一排I是列公式呢?另外徐的版本有词语使用的错误,STOOP是弯腰,躬背的意思,李白是那么看的吗?许的BOW也不妥当,BOW有恭谦的意味,比如饭店门口迎宾的小姐(NO PUN INTENDED).许的DESCRY只能是个笑话.DESCRY的意思是通过努力观察发现某种(不易被发现的)东西,信息.而且DESCRY太生僻,用在这里无论是意思还是意境都很不妥当.
比较两个版本,许的要胜出HANDS DOWN.尤其是ABED,AGROUND的使用颇显功力.
在来几个洋人的版本.虽然也有一些SETBACKS,但感觉上比上面两个要流畅.
In the Quiet Night
So bright a gleam on the foot of my bed---